Parents share dream with others
After struggling to have children, Rotorua couple Justin and Clare Smith have given the ultimate and rare gift.
They donated an embryo to another couple so they could fulfil their dream of having a child.
The Smiths spent six years trying to have a baby and dealing with unexplained infertility. They had two courses of IVF treatment before giving birth to their boy Jesse, who is now 2.
The couple had two more embryos in storage.
They decided to donate one of the embryos to a couple who were struggling to have a child and now that couple have a baby girl.
The new parents, who did not want to be identified, said if it weren't for the Smiths they might not have been able to have children.
"Without this precious gift we would never have had chance of fulfilling our dream of having a family. Clare and Justin have demonstrated a generosity and kindness few people could ever consider." They said they were still pinching themselves and it was still huge for them.
Mrs Smith said when she heard the girl had been born it was "happy and hard at the same time".
She had to go through the grieving process as the embryo had been part of her.
The Smiths are among only nine donors in the midlands region, which includes the Bay of Plenty, Waikato, Taranaki and the central North Island, who have donated embryos since 2010, according to Hamilton-based Fertility Associates. Of those donations there had been five births.
Fertility Associates counsellor Sue Saunders described Mrs Smith as "quite a remarkable woman" for what she and her husband had done.
"She has a great awareness of how painful it is for parents who can't have children."
Ms Saunders said donating an embryo involved a process of six months as it needed to be approved by the Ethics Committee on Assisted Reproduction Technology. The process also involved counselling, a police check and talking to lawyers.
Mrs Smith said she knew what it was like to struggle to have a baby and wanted to help someone else.
"I know this is a gift that others might [see as] strange but when you have walked through the grief of not conceiving then had that grief become hope in our little Jesse you want to be able to restore hope to another [couple] in the same boat you once were."
She said people under-estimated the "emotional ordeal" it could be for people when having a child is out of their reach.
"In a society when many get pregnant by accident there are others trying to get pregnant on purpose [who] would prefer to make love to conceive [rather] than go through the arduous processes of fertility treatment. In saying that, we are very fortunate to have fertility treatment."
Mrs Smith said they had met the couple's baby girl and wanted their son to get to know his sister.
"We have given up any rights to that little life but Jesse will know he has a sibling and will get to know them. Jesse is still an amazing gift to us and we still shed a tear now and then to think how blessed we are to have him."
The Smiths used their last embryo to have another child but were not successful. But they have no regrets in donating the other embryo. They are now considering adopting or permanently fostering a child in the future.
